Taking the Long View from Building Champions on Vimeo.

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When they watched them together, they saw a couple that was gentle with each other, truthful with each other, and caring for each other. They noticed how they looked at each other, and how they held hands.

This old couple had a quirky tradition of leaving notes for each other in the most creative places. They left them under pillows, inside toilet paper rolls, in underwear drawers, in the refrigerator, and just about everywhere else one could imagine.

Each note had the word “SHMILY” written on it. None of the kids had a clue what it meant.

Then, Grandma died, and all of the family gathered at the service to celebrate her life. Grandpa approached the casket, and gave the love of his life her last SHMILY. He then turned and shared the meaning behind this 50 year tradition.

See How Much I Love You.

SHMILY notes took just a few seconds a few times a week, but they made a huge difference over the years that didn’t end with this beautiful couple. They impacted future generations of their family.

And the power of the SHMILY tradition did not stop there. My bride and I embraced it, and we have shared it with many other couples.

Traditions can be a wonderful reminder in our lives of what matters most.

For us, SHMILY has become a meaningful reminder. We have also added YAMBF and YAML.

How about you?

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In The Five Dysfunctions, Patrick says that many teams struggle with the fear of conflict. They do not understand that conflict in the pursuit of truth and improvement is a good thing. They believe it to be mean and bad, instead of loving and beneficial. This struggle exists not only in the workplace, but also in marriages and other close relationships.

If people are not equipped to engage in healthy conflict, then they either fight in unhealthy ways or they hold back their feelings and impede the growth of those around them.

Conflict is a friend when entered into from a position of care and concern, with the desire to see improvement. When a team is equipped with the ability to engage in healthy conflict, they can make better decisions and get even better results.

So what do you believe about conflict?

If you are one who loves conflict and seeks it out for the wrong reasons, counseling can help. Conflict is an enemy when it is entered into with the intent of always winning. This “must win at all costs” mindset can hinder your ability to find truth and improvement, and can make you pretty miserable to be around.

If you are one who avoids conflict at all costs, then I urge you to reconsider. There is a balance, and it has to do with pursuing the best outcomes, even if that means your perspective is not the right perspective. You can enter into conflict more comfortably when you are coming from a position of truly caring for the hearts of those you are going to engage with, and being passionate about finding the best outcomes.

If this comes easily for you, then you can help others around you by modeling healthy conflict. If this something you find challenging, you can start by openly establishing the rules of engagement with your team and those around you. Keep away from personal attacks, and push for healthy conflict in the pursuit of truth and what’s right.

You will see improved thinking, smarter decision making, more buy-in, and healthier relationships.

Here’s to improved debate,

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Daniel Harkavy January 21, 2010 Blog Post from Building Champions on Vimeo.

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1. Taking the Long View

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