Posts Tagged ‘Communication’

Is it Really That Bad?

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

Over the last few years, I’ve learned more about the con­cept of Emo­tional Intel­li­gence, or EQ.  Daniel Gole­man describes those with a high EQ as hav­ing “abil­i­ties such as being able to moti­vate one­self and per­sist in the face of frus­tra­tions; to con­trol impulse and delay grat­i­fi­ca­tion; to reg­u­late one’s moods and keep dis­tress from swamp­ing the abil­ity to think; to empathize and to hope.”

Last week, I had a day that tested my EQ.  Actu­ally, it began the night before.

I had planned to get to bed early, so I could get plenty of sleep before wak­ing at 4am to catch a 6am flight with my boys.  We were on our way to Jack­son Hole, Wyoming to join some of our great friends and team­mates for four days of snow fun.

My wife and I got to bed early as planned, and then our phones started to ring at about 10:30pm.  Two hours later, we were on our way to see a fam­ily mem­ber who needed some urgent coun­cil.  It’s a bless­ing for us to be able to help, but my plan for a rest­ful night was now shot.  By the time I got back to bed, I got maybe an hour of sleep before the alarm went off.

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There is No Substitute for One on One Time

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

Today has been a won­der­ful day!  It began with an early morn­ing meet­ing with a friend who has been men­tor­ing me for the last 13 years.  Recently, my time with him has been less fre­quent, but when­ever I am with him I learn and grow.  Our meet­ing took place at my favorite local cof­fee house here in Lake Oswego.  He was pour­ing into me.

Father and DaughterAfter an hour and a half, he left, and one of my sons came by.  He is 17, and is fin­ish­ing up his senior year with some classes at our local com­mu­nity col­lege.  The pur­pose of our one on one time was to con­nect and take a look at his plan for the next quar­ter.  It was an oppor­tu­nity for me to lis­ten to him and to con­nect at a deeper level.  I was able to pour into him.

The rea­son I wanted to share with you about my morn­ing is to chal­lenge you to think about how you will spend your time this year. 

Are you proac­tively sched­ul­ing one on one time with those you care for most?

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I Don’t Speak Teenager

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

My bride and I have been mar­ried for 21 years, and she is my best friend and life part­ner.  We have four teenagers, ages 19, 17, 15 and 6. My 6 year-old is being raised a bit dif­fer­ent than our first three were: she is grow­ing up in a house full of teenagers.  This means we’ve replaced Bar­ney and Veg­gie Tales with Napoleon Dyna­mite and Nacho Libre.

Harkavy KidsWe are so very grate­ful for the dynam­ics in our home.  Our three teens are truly each other’s best friends, and they all run in one big pack of kids who range in age from 14 to 20.  As a result, our house has become base camp for many of our kids’ friends.

Over the years, Sheri and I have been asked numer­ous times about how we talk to teenagers.  Now, I want to give one dis­claimer right from the start:  we DON’T have it all fig­ured out.  But what we do have are some incred­i­ble kids who are pretty open and com­fort­able talk­ing to us about every­thing from their dreams and fears to the entire range of peer pressures.

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Are You Speaking the Same Language?

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

LanguageA few months ago I had the won­der­ful priv­i­lege of hav­ing an exec­u­tive client come to my office for a full-day coach­ing ses­sion.  The pur­pose of the extended ses­sion was to help her sharpen the skills required for her to advance as a leader in her com­pany.  My client is incred­i­bly smart, a very hard worker, well respected and pas­sion­ate about her long­stand­ing role in this inter­na­tional orga­ni­za­tion.  She is also the high­est rank­ing female leader in her male dom­i­nated firm. 

We planned to spend the day work­ing on her soft skills so that she could improve how she inter­acts with the var­i­ous behav­ioral styles within her com­pany and exec­u­tive team.  One of the more pow­er­ful exer­cises we worked on was to dive deep into the DISC language. 

If you are not famil­iar with DISC, I pro­vided an overview in last week’s blog, Under­stand­ing DISC.

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