I am writing this from one of the most beautiful locations I have ever been to. I am at Malibu, which is a Young Life Camp located in Canada in a narrow fjord called Princess Louisa Inlet. The first picture included here shows the beauty of this place. The other is my inspiration for this post.

On Monday, I arrived here with my son Wesley and about 50 young people from our church. We are here to serve the families of US military who have recently returned from deployment in Afghanistan or Iraq. Some have only been back in the states for a few weeks, and this is the first real down time they have had with their wives, husbands and kids.

Re-entry can be very difficult, and my role has been to serve as a small group leader with a few couples. It has been truly rich and wonderful.

Prior to this week, I had no real understanding of the price these young heroic families pay for my freedom. I am embarrassed to admit that I have spent most of my adult life taking them for granted. Nor did I know how I could ever repay them for their service.

Today, I cannot say that I fully grasp the extent of their sacrifice…but I believe I have greater insight as to how we can better serve them. These young husbands and wives need the opportunity to truly unplug together and get reacquainted with each other.

Up here at Malibu, none have cell phone coverage and just a few are granted limited access to the net. There is nothing for them to do other than listen to some very insightful messages, play with each other, and connect. They have time set aside every day when their kids are well cared for and these couples get to hike, boat, eat, nap and just be together.

I have asked several of them what those of us in their communities can do to best help them after they return from war. They said we can help them to connect with each other.

I know that few of you will have the opportunity to invest a week up here at Malibu, but if you know a military family in your community, you can offer to babysit their kids for a night or a weekend. Perhaps you own a timeshare or a vacation home you could offer for a few days. Maybe you could treat them to a gift certificate for a nice dinner out.

One of our soldiers who served in Iraq three times said that having someone else pick up the tab at a restaurant blesses him immensely. And they all appreciate a heartfelt handshake and thank you.

I would like to say thanks to those of you who have served our country, or have family members who have served. Your sacrifice is meaningful and so appreciated!

Related posts:

1. Are You Spending Enough Time?

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

When a leader loses perspective for too long, it can be terminal.

So what should one do who finds themselves tired, fearful, and confused? Here are 5 suggestions for those of you who might be trapped in this very uncomfortable place right now.

1. Take some time OFF. This may feel like the last thing you can afford to do, but it could be exactly what you need right now. Don’t take a trip — take a vacation.  Unplug and rest. Take some time to sleep, read, exercise, eat right, and connect with those who encourage you. The purpose of this OFF time is to rejuvenate you, not to further drain you.

2. Protect your sacred spaces. iPhones, Blackberries and TVs are incredibly useful tools in our lives, but we must establish boundaries. If we are sitting in bed late at night or first thing in the morning checking Facebook, watching the news, and responding to email, we are living in reactive mode 24/7. We won’t get the rest we need, and we will wake up feeling further behind. Instead, make your late evenings and early mornings a reflective, restful time. Use this time for the things that refresh you. Protect your bedroom as a sacred space, and keep certain times of the day as sacred.

3. Feed the machine. Our bodies will break down over time if not properly cared for. Make your health an A-1 priority. Make healthy meals, daily exercise, plenty of sleep and lots of water a habitual part of each and every day. Don’t take your body for granted, or the machine will break down just when you need it most.

4. Spend time with your cheerleaders. Make sure you find time in your week to spend with people who love you, believe in you, and who truly want to see you at your best. Hopefully this takes place already in your home, with your close friends, and with certain team members. Be mindful of who you invest your time with, and if needed schedule extra time with those who encourage you most.

5. Consult the map daily. Look at the plans and books that guide your direction every morning. Keep your Life Plan, Business Vision, and Business Plan in front of you. If you lose sight of the big picture, the tired, mundane, confused and even fear-filled days will surely follow.

I am confident that one or more of these tactics will help you to get your perspective back. May you be fortified for the battles of your life.

Related posts:

1. I Love a Good Vacation in the Morning
2. Things Will Not Fall Apart
3. Questioners and Truth Tellers

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Anyone who is responsible for getting results through others needs to be able to effectively practice both Leadership and Management. Unfortunately, many managers use these terms interchangeably.

Management is the act of overseeing and influencing people, assets, and processes to achieve predetermined results. You are a Manager based on the authority assigned to your position.

Leadership is the act of engaging the heads and hearts of people in ways that inspire them to give their best in order to achieve a common goal – a goal that, quite often, only the Leader can clearly see. Anyone — from the front desk to the corner office — can be a Leader.

To put it another way, Management is more of a “head” thing, whereas Leadership is more of a “heart” thing. Both are critically important!

The challenge I see many managers struggling with today is that they are not leading those on their teams. They are not tapping into their teammates’ full potential and, as a result, they are not accomplishing what is possible.

They are managing their people as if they were fixed assets or equipment, and they are losing the hearts of their most appreciable asset.

Leadership starts with Vision. If you do not have your business vision clearly written, and if you are not repeating it and repeating it and repeating it, then chances are you are managing from the head. Your team also needs you to lead from the heart.

Extraordinary companies, cultures, products, and services are born from both strong management and heartfelt leadership.

Manage and Lead!

Related posts:

1. Lean In
2. Everybody Sells
3. They Must Leave Better Than They Arrived

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

As part of the process of getting this designation, I have spent time being observed while coaching Master Certified Coaches from the International Coaching Federation. These are people whom I have never met or even talked to prior to the sessions. These have been pretty challenging, and I must confess that I completely botched last week’s session.

The conversation went something like this…

Coachee: “I need to improve my work life balance.”

Daniel: “So, what do you think could be causing some of the challenges you are having with managing your calendar? What I am looking for are some specific examples of causes that you might be experiencing.” (Without giving the poor gal an opportunity to respond, I stacked another question on her.) “What are the top three things that come to mind when thinking of your time management challenges?”

Coachee had to be thinking: “Shut up man and take a breath! You must think I am an idiot, and that your questions are so incredibly profound! And you clearly love the sound of your own voice!”

Of course, that is far from what I thought or intended.

The Master Coach who was observing me laid it out pretty plainly: I was stacking questions.

What this means is that I would ask a question, and before giving my coachee an opportunity to answer, I would ask it another way to make absolute sure that she understood it. The truth of the matter was that I was unsure of where I was going in the coaching session, and I was lacking confidence in my interaction.

So, why do I share such dirt on myself?

I observed this in myself while it was happening. I have also observed it in others when they are presenting to a group, conducting performance reviews, or leading meetings and conference calls.

This often happens when we are unprepared for engagement, and are feeling nervous as a result of our lack of preparation. In the face of so much questioning, the very people we are trying to connect with will often shut down or become defensive — which is the opposite reaction we are hoping to draw out.

Here is the action plan for me and hopefully for anyone else out there who may stack once in a while: know your stuff inside and out! And then, be comfortable allowing the other party in the conversation to have the quiet space to respond or to ask a clarifying question.

Does this help any of you? What I mean is, do any of you find this to be beneficial? Will it help you as a manager or coaching leader?

Let’s stop stacking,

Related posts:

1. A Simple Process for Coaching Your Team
2. How a Big Company Can Feel Small
3. Are You Speaking the Same Language?

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I know this type very, very well.

Studies have shown that there is a correlating emotion for each behavioral style which emerges when that person is frustrated or challenged. For a High D, the emotion is anger.

In this session, my client shared that he feels some very real physical changes when he is being challenged or threatened. What he experienced has everything to do with Emotional Intelligence, or EQ.

The physical sensations he described are tunnel vision and tingling in the hands. Many people also feel shortness of breath, painful tension in the neck or back, and the inability to sit still.

We experience these physical dynamics in the heat of interpersonal battle because when we encounter stressful situations, certain hormones flood our system and impact which part of our brain does the thinking. Studies have shown that our primal thinking takes over; we stop thinking rationally and begin looking to fight or flee. In these situations, we think in the same way we would if we were seconds away from being hit by a train. We go into survival mode.

When this happens, chances are we’re about to make a bad situation even worse.

My client — who has no training on the topic of EQ — is smart enough to know that he needs to take a break when he is in a conflict and feels the physical changes that take place prior to being emotionally hijacked. He recognizes that those feelings of tunnel vision and tingling hands are going to lead to more problems if he doesn’t “pull the rip cord” and get out of that situation for a moment or two. That’s higher EQ.

EQ is a fascinating topic, and studies have shown that it has more to do with our ability to successfully lead others than does our IQ.

At the Experience this September, my fellow coach and brother Greg Harkavy and I will be leading a great breakout session together on EQ. I look forward to diving deeper into this critically important skill in the weeks ahead.

When you feel the warning signs of low EQ, step back. Take a walk, breathe deep, and regain your composure. You – and those around you — will be glad you did.

Related posts:

1. Understanding DISC
2. Are You Speaking the Same Language?
3. Don’t Ever Take the Easy Way Out

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Today I am paying the price. I have been knee deep in email for the last three hours.

One of the email messages I just reviewed was from my wonderful teammate, Kit Johnson, who runs HR and Accounting for us at Building Champions. She sent me a report I had requested with our team’s unused vacation hours. I asked for this because I want to make sure I am encouraging my teammates to take full advantage of their vacation time.

I have coached too many leaders who told me they have not taken a full week of vacation in years — as if it were a good thing. It’s not! We do ourselves and our companies a disservice when we fail to take time to rest, explore, play and rejuvenate.

So here are my encouragements for you today.

If you are a leader and are not taking any time away, you are not bringing your best to your company nor are you setting a good example for those you lead. Take a vacation. I promise if you do, you will come back to your work with more energy, passion, and creativity.

Don’t buy the lie that things will fall apart without you. What I have observed is quite the opposite. Your team will step up and grow when you are not there. You may even be surprised at their talent and resourcefulness.

Some leaders are insecure about their team’s success without them — they’re afraid they will prove themselves to be dispensable. In reality, it is a credit to you as a leader when your team is strong enough to function without you for a week or two.

The best thing you can do for your company is to leave it every once in a while. Schedule some time away, and encourage your teammates to take their vacations as well.

You will all be refreshed and perform better when you return.

Related posts:

1. I Love a Good Vacation in the Morning
2. Questioners and Truth Tellers
3. They Must Leave Better Than They Arrived

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

When Dave told me about it a few months ago, I did not think I would be able to make the trip. I have been away so much this year… I am just too busy…There is too much going on right now…It’s too long of a drive… These thoughts kept me from committing, until about two weeks ago. Then the bug bit.

I decided to call more of my old friends from decades past to see if I could rally them. My plan was to recreate a summer day from the early 80s, but better, because we would include some of our kids.

This trip was not in my Life Plan. It was not on my annual fold out calendar. The week wasn’t even clear on my calendar, and I knew it would require some creativity and had work from my dedicated assistant.

I knew there would be a cost to make it happen. But I also knew I just had to.

More than 20 of us, kids included, had a wonderful week filled with surf, food, and fun. We shared stories from the past and from our present. It was a once in a lifetime kind of trip.

After a few memorable days in San Onofre, my two sons and my daughter’s boyfriend packed up the car and we drove up the coast. We camped and surfed at some beautiful spots. We talked about what they observed as they watched us old guys share our stories, and there were some great lessons learned. Better still was the opportunity to connect with these three wonderful young men as I shared some of my life’s experiences with them.

The picture above is a shot of me with my sons, Dylan and Wesley, and our friend Austin. It was taken at a place just outside of Santa Barbara where I caught my first wave some 31 years ago. Moments after the picture was taken, my younger son caught his first real wave in that very spot with his dad, brother and friend hooting and cheering him on.

More connection and memories made. An experience I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Sometimes you just have to. And when you do, you’ll never regret it.

Related posts:

1. Trip or Vacation?

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I believe that most leaders have a desire to see that the experience they help to create in their organizations causes people to grow. They want their team members to be better equipped and more skilled as a result of their time in the organization, which will lead them to make a greater difference in their future ventures.

What I am unsure of is how many of us actually do this well.

While we search for just the right candidate for the position we are hiring for, I will be involved with our round two and three interviews. I will be examining how they will fit into our culture, how skilled they are, how they communicate, and how they see themselves adding to our culture. I want to understand what they will bring to the table that will make us better than we are today.

As a leader, I accept responsibility for ensuring that our teammates are in a position to grow and improve over time.

I must ensure that the managers within our team have the disciplines and plans in place to train and teach those they serve. Each of our teammates must also be engaged in seeking out ways that cause the rest of us to grow and improve – both as a team and as individuals. This kind of growth starts from the top down, but in the right environment, it also moves the other direction.

The magic happens when all of us, in our individual roles in each of our departments, are proactively thinking about ways to help others in the organization to grow and improve. The result is stronger individuals, increased team unity, and better value to our customers.

In this kind of culture, your team members can’t help but leave better than when they arrived. It is up to you and me to make sure we are adding value today. If we do this well, they may stick around for a good and long time!

Hire great people. Then help them to be even better.

Related posts:

1. Me First!
2. Asset or Advantage?
3. Questioners and Truth Tellers

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

As an Executive Coach, I have often observed successful leaders deal with the frustration that comes from over-committing. It is usually born from a failure to fully assess the amount of time a project will take to complete.

The scenario goes something like this:

You are in a meeting and your boss, customer, team, or board asks for you to deliver on Project X. You understand it and see the value, so you commit right there on the spot. The requestor asks if Project X can be done by the end of the month. You think 20 days should give you enough time. You leave the meeting feeling good about your ability to deliver.

Then you jump back into the crisis or opportunity du jour, which requires all of your mental abilities for the remainder of the day. Tomorrow comes, and it’s more of the same.

Fast forward 19 days later, when you get a reminder email from the requestor of Project X. She is really looking forward to seeing it tomorrow. Tomorrow! Off you go, falling back to the cramming patterns you learned on campus. You skip dinner, work into the evening, grab a few hours of fitful sleep, and are ready to deliver your half-baked project.

This may sound a little harsh or exaggerated, but some of you might even be thinking, YES, this is my reality. If this resonates with you and you want to improve, consider the following best practices.

The next time you are asked to deliver Project X by a certain date, do the following:

* Make sure you fully understand the Desired End Result of Project X.
* Write down everything you think you will need in order to deliver Project X with excellence.
* Assess how much time you will need to complete all of the required steps. You must know how many hours it will take you or others on your team.
* Schedule the time on your calendar as if it were an appointment with your most valued client. If possible, add 50% more time that you think you need.
* If you are truly unable to make the appointment that you had previously scheduled, reschedule it within 24 hours.

If you are simply unable to fit the required time into your calendar, then here’s an important revelation: you can’t complete this project by the due date. You will need to assess whether you need to push out the due date for this project, make room by postponing other projects, or simply say no.

I am confident that if you master this simple process, it will radically reduce your stress level and lead to more deadlines met and improved quality of work.

Good luck scheduling,

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Daniel shares some observations about successful team culture in this follow-up to his recent post, The Monday Morning Huddle.

Related posts:

1. The Monday Morning Huddle
2. Conflict: Friend or Foe?
3. Bifocal Vision Required

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.