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The depth and quality of our relationships directly impacts the overall quality of our lives. And we all know that deep, high-quality relationships take time.

As an executive coach here at Building Champions, I know that most leaders find the battle for time to be their single greatest challenge. It is truly a game of trade-offs. I have often said that we must be able to say no to the good in order to say yes to the great.

Here is my action plan for you today:

1. Take a good look at your Life Plan, and compare it to the last 90 days of your life.
2. Assess how you are doing with the investing of time into the relationships in your life that matter most. If you are on track and building relational net worth, fantastic.
3. If not, make a plan today to do one thing in the week ahead to invest in a key relationship.

You will probably need to say no to something else to make room for that relationship, and chances are, it will be to something important. But ask yourself, “Will it be as important on the long run as building that relationship?”

Relationships take time, and I say invest in them!

When families intentionally develop “their ways” of being a family early on, they tend to experience greater levels of family health and bonding. I have observed this over the years with countless stand-out families and have adopted much of what I have learned from others over the years. I am in no way an expert, just a guy who is incredibly passionate about serving and leading a solid and loving family.

10 Traditions to Create More Family Connection

1. Family dinners. Fight for them! This may mean saying no to that second or third extracurricular activity that one of your kids wants to be involved with. The dinner table is where most families experience relationship, and too many are giving this tradition away to the third sport or worse yet, to dinner with the TV on.

2. Playing “Low-High” at dinner. All members of the family share their low of the day and their high. All focus in and listen. Ban phones from the dinner table as well.

3. Annual camping trips or vacations to the same place. Families come to really connect when out of their norm but still at their outdoor home away from home.

4. Weekly or Monthly dates. This is essential for healthy marriages and wonderful to really connect with your kids. My wife Sheri and I spoke to a group of young married couples last month and one gal asked what they should do if they don’t have the money for nice dates. We told her some of our best dates are picnics on the river or the beach. It’s not about where you go, it’s about going! Sheri and I have really enjoyed Monday lunch dates as well. And date your kids, too. Take them where they want to go, not where you want to go. These can be some really special times that your kids will never forget.

5. Saying “I love you” whenever you leave.   I know many of you do this but some do not. Don’t just assume they know. Make sure they always know.

6. Floating Birthdays and Anniversaries.   We have never worked on our family members’ birthdays or our anniversary. We focus on the birthday person all day long. This means we float from place to place as the celebrated one chooses. We were all together yesterday for my daughter’s 21st and it was a blast! The same goes for anniversaries. I believe this day to be one of the most sacred of the year.

7. Man Cook. I had a client for years and learned this one from him. He and his son would cook one meal per week for the ladies in their family. He shared some great stories and memories that came from this.

8. Saturday Donuts. One of my colleagues here at Building Champions took his daughter for a donut date every Saturday. This was a great time for the two of them to connect weekly.

9. SHMILY notes. I read a great story of a couple that always left love notes for each other in all sorts of inconspicuous places. We have been doing this for years and I love finding these little notes tucked in my clothes when I travel. SHMILY: See How Much I Love You.

10. Pray together. I believe in prayer and think it is one of the most valuable things I can do with my family. So for us Harks, this means me praying with my bride and kids daily.

What are some of the traditions that make your family unique?

Are you hearing and believing any of the following?

• I am just trying to survive, I have nothing left over to give.
• I am slammed, way too busy to add anyone or anything else to my plate.
• The best is behind me. I used to think I could contribute but my mistakes have taken me out.
• What does it matter? Who cares anyway?
• I have nothing special to contribute.

I can tell you that I know that these are not true! They are lies and must be fought with vigor.

I am not trying to discount your situation in any way. What I want to communicate is that no matter what your situation, you can still contribute and make a difference and others are counting on you to do so.

For some it is to parent and train up future leaders or good hearted servants; for some it is to apply your skill to your trade of passion; and for some it is to serve and lead your teams and organizations.

Sometimes we lose our way, but we can always find our path back if we know our WHY.

Hopefully many of you are already familiar with the Life Planning process we use at Building Champions. This is a process I have been benefitting from and coaching others on for many years. I am a firm believer in its ability to aid us with making better proactive and intentional decisions in life and business.

Your Life Plan should be a dynamic and living document that is continually being reviewed, lived out and adjusted where and when needed. One of the ways you might want to improve upon your plan is to assess how you see yourself contributing to each of your accounts.

Look at where you are doing well and where you think you could contribute more. Then, map out a plan to make sure you are making the greatest impact you can in your life, your business and your community. We believe so strongly in this theme of contribution that it will be a central part of our Building Champions Experience this fall.

The truth is that we all have the ability to make a greater difference in the lives of those around us.

On behalf of those lives you will touch, thank you for your contribution.

Most of you are probably familiar with a part of Truett’s story. You may have read that his company started in 1946 with one restaurant. You might know that they have more than 1300 restaurants, run by some of the most service-minded leaders in business today. You might be aware that he lives and leads according to his faith.

What you may not know is just how big his story is.

For the past decade, I have been impacted by his team and his mission. I observed at his party that there are thousands — if not millions — of people who have been directly or indirectly affected by this man’s life.

Truett’s life story both challenges and inspires me.

As a guy who gets to coach so many wonderful leaders, I am constantly being blown away and inspired by the life stories of many of you.

Just today, I coached Dan Trinidad, who is the owner of a mortgage banking firm in California and has been a friend and client of ours for more than a decade.

In our session today, we discussed his desire to make his life’s story bigger. He wants to make sure he is using his experiences, gifts, and talents to make the greatest possible difference in the lives of those around him.

Mindy and Dan Trinidad

Just two years ago, Dan lost his beautiful bride and best friend to cancer. This significant life-altering tragedy is fueling the next chapter in his story.

Dan and his company have partnered with The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Team In Training.  This organization is all about raising awareness and money to help fight the awful disease of cancer. The way they do it is pretty cool.

Over the years I have run four marathons. In each city, the biggest team has been the purple Team in Training crew. You will see them at all the major swimming, cycling, running, and triathlon events. They engage the hearts and bodies of athletes who want to make a difference.

Dan and several of his teammates are getting themselves in shape to run, hike, and bike in honor of Mindy Trinidad. They will raise money to cure the disease that took another beautiful life, in hopes that some other family will be spared this heartache.

Truett’s story is a 90-year tale about how one life can impact so many others. Dan’s story shows that even in the midst of catastrophe we can write a new chapter that touches the lives of others.

So I would challenge you:  is your life story big enough? Who are you pouring into? Where are you giving of yourself and of your resources? How is your life’s story impacting those around you?

Make your story bigger and make it count,

Who will they be at age 10? Age 18? Age 25? I’m not talking about what interests they will pursue or activities they will engage in, but rather the kind of people they will become.

If we can’t see who they are to become, we will lack the clarity needed to equip them for real success in life.

My wife and I have asked this question when we have led parenting workshops. Often, the responses have to do with what they want their kids to have accomplished at some point in the future. The mistake is that they desire external outcomes, rather than internal character and intellectual attributes.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to position your kids to receive scholarships or land respectable and high paying jobs. But are those targets truly most important to you? Or do you want them to be men and women of exceptional character with a passion for serving and a hunger to learn?

Have you taken the time to really think it through?

Set targets for your kids, and you will gain the clarity and courage required to raise up adults of conviction, confidence, and character.

If you can see the target, you know where to aim.

This was the question asked of me by a leader in the UK this week. I am working with his group this year on how to become Coaching Leaders. Our first session was on self-leadership, which is grounded in Life Planning and Business Vision.

When he voiced this question, I realized that many of you have probably asked yourself the same thing.

First of all, you need to make sure you start with the right plan. Here are a few critical elements of your Life Plan that will make it easier to stick with it:

1. The Right Accounts: Have you identified each area of priority in your life, or “account,” to the exclusion of others that aren’t as important? It’s a common mistake to begin with too many accounts. Narrow your focus, or you’ll set yourself up for failure in the areas that matter most.




2. Vision for Each Account: Imagine a future for each account that really pulls you forward. You have to not only see what it will be like to accomplish it, you need to feel it. If it doesn’t connect to your heart, it will lack the power needed to keep you striving for it.




3. Purpose for Each Account: Make sure the role you play in each account today is crystal clear. Why is it important for you to cultivate that account? What’s lost if you neglect it?




4. Actions: Make sure to choose specific actions for each account that are doable and will lead to the vision you see. Then, adjust them as needed. If you have too many, cut a few. If they are not clear or specific enough, improve them.

Now, with the right plan in place, you need the right mindset.

Don’t look at your progress as pass/fail. If you do, then you’ll quit the first time you slip up. Instead, focus on making a little progress each day. You will soon find that you are gaining ground and making more proactive and intentional decisions.

Finally, review your Life Plan every morning for the first 90 days. Then, review it weekly for the rest of your life. You’ll never stick with something that isn’t on the front of your mind.

Be one of the few who sticks with it!

Those around you will be grateful,

Our family has spent the past week at a remote surf spot in mainland Mexico. Traveling with just the 6 of us is not the norm, as we usually end up bringing other family or friends. But this vacation had to be different.

The purpose of this vacation is to give us a time of deeper connection as a family before we release Dylan to the land down under. He will be heading for a wonderful adventure that will include some schooling, surfing, alone time, community service, and outreach in a third world country after his time in Australia. It should be a powerful experience for him.

Sheri and I were fortunate to have been mentored over the years by older friends, authors, and expert teachers on the topic of parenting. One of the key things that we heard when our kids were young is that we needed to begin the process of releasing them from the moment they were placed in our arms.

We release our kids bit by bit. As they mature from childhood to adolescence to adulthood, we give them more rope. As they prove themselves responsible, we add a bit more rope until eventually, we let go altogether. They will still make mistakes, and it may be tempting to grab hold of them again, but we must trust that they are responsible for making decisions for themselves.

Our job as parents is to love them, nurture them, teach them, and equip them…so that we can release them. When they are ready, we send them into the world prepared to apply their gifts and to impact those they come across in their journey.

Even though I have known this since the beginning, the release has been challenging. Exciting and challenging.

My reason for sharing this with you could be partly therapeutic for me, but my hope is that it encourages those of you who are parents, especially with younger kids. Set your target for your kids, help them to identify their passions and gifts, fan the flame, pour into them and prepare them. While you’re at it, prepare yourself too.

The release will come sooner than you think!

I know that each of you will interpret that phrase a little differently, as you respond to the blessings and challenges you encountered in the past 51 weeks. Every one of us experienced a unique set of highs and lows as we made our journey through 2010.

And now, the 52nd week is upon us.

My challenge to you today is to intentionally carve out a few hours between now and New Year’s Eve to reflect on the special moments of the past year. Reflection in the pursuit of learning is a great discipline for acquiring wisdom.

What did you learn this year about yourself, your career, your family, the world, the unseen? What worked well? What do you want to never repeat? What do you want to include more of in the year ahead?

Grab your journal and find a quiet spot. Write down your reflections and lessons from the moments that made up 2010. Then, size up the year ahead. One year from now — on December 23rd, 2011 — what do you plan on having learned, experienced, accomplished, or given?

Do what most people will not. Take time during this hectic season to reflect, plan and ponder the memorable moments. For these moments, connected together, make up the stories of our lives.

This will be my last post of the year. I look forward to connecting and sharing more with you after the holiday.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

This is a parenting issue.

Just a few weeks ago, my wife Sheri and I had the privilege of leading a parenting workshop at the Building Champions Experience. We called the presentation, “Are you Raising Kids or Growing Adults?” I think the question is worth pondering.

We began the session by letting all of our attendees know that we are NOT trained parenting experts. We do, however, have some years of experiences and observations. We are two people who really enjoy being parents and have been blessed with four great kids ranging in age from 7 to 20. Not only are we parents, but we have taught Sunday School classes for years and have intentionally made our home a gathering place for kids of all ages in our community.

The session was filled with some great Q & A. We also shared our Guiding Principles for growing adults.

1. Train them up in the way they should go.
2. Keep a long term perspective. Have a target for them.
3. If you are married, make your marriage your priority and make it rock!
4. Be consistent and unified as a couple.
5. Be present and engaged. They can read your heart.
6. Respect is theirs to lose — let them see and know this.
7. Allow consequences to teach, don’t handicap them.
8. Don’t delegate training them up. You must own this.
9. Talk to your teens as if they were adults, and more importantly, listen to them.
10. Your kids are not your report card. Don’t worry about what the “Joneses” think.
11. Think before you respond to avoid the little battles and maintain a healthy relationship.
12. They are watching you. Your actions will teach them more than your words.
13. Love them no matter what!

Sheri and I unpacked each of the above points during our session. My hope is that they are clear enough to add value just as they are, but I would love to hear your thoughts or to answer any questions you might have.

For me, being a dad has been one of the greatest highlights in my life. Parenting has truly become more enjoyable each and every year. I’ve learned that we don’t need to fear the seasons ahead, but instead we should be intentional in our parenting with a clear target in sight.

My challenge for you business professionals who are mothers and fathers is to improve your skills. Spend at least 25% of the time you spend developing your professional skills in developing yourself as a parent. The ROI will be immeasurable!

To Growing Adults,