I am in the midst of this right now with one of the organizations I help to lead. As I am dealing with the pain from the change and the excitement about what can come, I am benefiting from these seven steps. I thought they might help you should you find yourself in an unexpected (yet opportunistic) transition.

1. Define Reality. Assess the downside first. What are your real risks and costs? Then identify the opportunities in this change. What good can come from it? Where is there opportunity in this new reality? You are wise to have a conversation with your coach, board, team and spouse to gain their perspective on this.

2. Ask for Help. Everyone wants to help and make a difference, especially when they see how they can use their gifts and talents in a time of crisis. Now is not a time for you to play superhero leader.

3. Decision Filters. What non-negotiable decision filters will you commit to? By doing so, you will be much better positioned to make the right decisions in a timely fashion. Here are some real life examples.

• Do what’s best for the client.
• Be a wise steward of the organization.
• Honor the teammate.

4. Clear Your Calendar. Postpone or delegate whatever is not mission critical. This means you will need to put off needed and good meetings, events, calls and projects. Set a time limit for this season and stick to it. This will enable you to get back to your normal routine ASAP.

5. Over Communicate. Let the right people know what is happening. Who needs to know what? If you are not sharing, they will come to their own conclusions, right or wrong. This is never good, so lean toward over communicating even when you don’t have the answers. Being transparent while keeping focused on your vision will help you and the team settle down and confidently do what is needed to get through the transition. So let them know what is going well and not so well. Let them know when they are doing a good job and really helping.

6. Listen. This is a critical time for you to listen to your team, your clients and your gut. Check in often. Take the time to sit down and check on them. How are they doing? Are they moving forward or paralyzed? Listen to them to learn, not defend. Their perspective is their reality, and you need to know it if you are going to help lead them through this change.

7. Think Gates. Looking at all that must be done can be very overwhelming if you don’t break it into manageable steps. What is the first thing that must be done? This is gate 1. When will you go through it? Think about the next two things you need to do (gates 2 and 3). When will you go through each of them? Like a downhill slalom skier, focus on the gate ahead. As you knock them down, you will gain momentum and clarity.

Hard, Energizing, Scary and Tiring. Yup, there is a good chance this unexpected change will be all of these and more! This is a time for vision. Read it daily, share it daily and adjust it if need be but don’t lose sight of it.

It has been said that every great leader will go through at least a few near deaths. The difficult changes bring about the greatest opportunities for learning so don’t shy away from them. Hit them head on and keep your eyes and ears open. Not only will there be blue sky on the other side, but there will be lots of learning opportunities.

To the unplanned,

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I know this type very, very well.

Studies have shown that there is a correlating emotion for each behavioral style which emerges when that person is frustrated or challenged. For a High D, the emotion is anger.

In this session, my client shared that he feels some very real physical changes when he is being challenged or threatened. What he experienced has everything to do with Emotional Intelligence, or EQ.

The physical sensations he described are tunnel vision and tingling in the hands. Many people also feel shortness of breath, painful tension in the neck or back, and the inability to sit still.

We experience these physical dynamics in the heat of interpersonal battle because when we encounter stressful situations, certain hormones flood our system and impact which part of our brain does the thinking. Studies have shown that our primal thinking takes over; we stop thinking rationally and begin looking to fight or flee. In these situations, we think in the same way we would if we were seconds away from being hit by a train. We go into survival mode.

When this happens, chances are we’re about to make a bad situation even worse.

My client — who has no training on the topic of EQ — is smart enough to know that he needs to take a break when he is in a conflict and feels the physical changes that take place prior to being emotionally hijacked. He recognizes that those feelings of tunnel vision and tingling hands are going to lead to more problems if he doesn’t “pull the rip cord” and get out of that situation for a moment or two. That’s higher EQ.

EQ is a fascinating topic, and studies have shown that it has more to do with our ability to successfully lead others than does our IQ.

At the Experience this September, my fellow coach and brother Greg Harkavy and I will be leading a great breakout session together on EQ. I look forward to diving deeper into this critically important skill in the weeks ahead.

When you feel the warning signs of low EQ, step back. Take a walk, breathe deep, and regain your composure. You – and those around you — will be glad you did.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and as we all remember to be a little more thankful, I am struck by the people I know who live with this attitude daily.  I’d like to tell you about a couple of these people who have inspired me.

The first is a friend named Hector, who lives down here in Valle Verde.  In his earlier years, Hector raised five children in a one room shanty and rode a scooter for transportation as he looked for work.  There is no way for me to do his story justice here, but what I want to share is that he is a man who has known what it is like to have very, very little.

Hector is unequivocally the most grateful man I have ever met.  Last night our entire group of 20 men, women and children commented on his joy and thankfulness.  One of our friends has been here and worked by Hector’s side for each of the last 9 years.  He said he has never seen Hector grumble, get frustrated or even melancholy.  He is incredibly joyful and grateful, and we always leave Mexico inspired by his attitude.  In a situation that many of us would find bleak, Hector is thankful each and every day.

Next I’d like to tell you about a dear friend of mine by the name of Greg Salciccioli.  Greg and I started an organization together ten years ago called Ministry Coaching International.  Its purpose is to coach leaders of churches, schools, and other not for profit organizations in the same way Building Champions coaches business leaders.  Greg has served as the president since its inception.

If you have met Greg, you will agree that he stands out from the crowd.  The first thing you notice is that he is the tallest guy in the room.  He is something like 6’18”. The second is the way he shakes your hand.  You will lose your hand in his grip as his hand completely envelops yours.  The third is his huge and contagious smile.  Greg is always smiling, and you just can’t help but feel happier when you are around him.  Most importantly, when you finish a conversation with Greg, he will always let you know that he appreciates you.  He has been telling me this in our conversations and by his actions consistently for the last ten years.

Take time to think about the people around you this Thanksgiving.  Who do you know that is constantly thankful?  Who makes you feel better by just being around them?

The challenge for each of us in this season is to reflect on our own attitude and actions.  How do we make the people around us feel?  Do we let them know how thankful we are for them, or do we take them for granted?  Are we truly thankful for relationships, more so than for things and experiences?

May your life and leadership be defined by a heart of thankfulness.

I am thankful for you,