This post is ded­i­cated to my friend Patrick Lencioni. His fan­tas­tic model for team­work in his best­selling book The Five Dys­func­tions of a Team helped me to bet­ter under­stand the value of con­flict. I strongly sug­gest you read this book.

In The Five Dys­func­tions, Patrick says that many teams strug­gle with the fear of con­flict. They do not under­stand that con­flict in the pur­suit of truth and improve­ment is a good thing. They believe it to be mean and bad, instead of lov­ing and ben­e­fi­cial. This strug­gle exists not only in the work­place, but also in mar­riages and other close relationships.

If peo­ple are not equipped to engage in healthy con­flict, then they either fight in unhealthy ways or they hold back their feel­ings and impede the growth of those around them.

Con­flict is a friend when entered into from a posi­tion of care and con­cern, with the desire to see improve­ment. When a team is equipped with the abil­ity to engage in healthy con­flict, they can make bet­ter deci­sions and get even bet­ter results.

So what do you believe about conflict?

If you are one who loves con­flict and seeks it out for the wrong rea­sons, coun­sel­ing can help. Con­flict is an enemy when it is entered into with the intent of always win­ning. This “must win at all costs” mind­set can hin­der your abil­ity to find truth and improve­ment, and can make you pretty mis­er­able to be around.

If you are one who avoids con­flict at all costs, then I urge you to recon­sider. There is a bal­ance, and it has to do with pur­su­ing the best out­comes, even if that means your per­spec­tive is not the right per­spec­tive. You can enter into con­flict more com­fort­ably when you are com­ing from a posi­tion of truly car­ing for the hearts of those you are going to engage with, and being pas­sion­ate about find­ing the best outcomes.

If this comes eas­ily for you, then you can help oth­ers around you by mod­el­ing healthy con­flict. If this some­thing you find chal­leng­ing, you can start by openly estab­lish­ing the rules of engage­ment with your team and those around you. Keep away from per­sonal attacks, and push for healthy con­flict in the pur­suit of truth and what’s right.

You will see improved think­ing, smarter deci­sion mak­ing, more buy-in, and health­ier relationships.

Here’s to improved debate,

Related posts:

1. Sharpen Me, Please!
2. Why?
3. The Mon­day Morn­ing Huddle
4. Don’t Ever Take the Easy Way Out
5. Stack­ing Questions

Tags: Behavior, Communication, Conflict, Culture, Marriage, Teamwork

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 20th, 2010 at 11:25 am and is filed under Self-Development. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.