Here is the sit­u­a­tion:  a team­mate, spouse, friend or child has wronged you.  They failed to meet an expec­ta­tion or — worse yet — they were inten­tion­ally uncar­ing or rude to you.  This painful wound causes you to be vis­i­bly upset as you con­front them on their insen­si­tive or self­ish action.

This moment could be a beau­ti­ful learn­ing and grow­ing oppor­tu­nity for you and the culprit….or it could lead to a bat­tle of enor­mous pro­por­tions.  You, the vic­tim, con­front the offender. 

They respond like this: 

 “Sorry!” 

You can’t believe they could be so cal­lused.   They just added another stick of dyna­mite to the stack.  Their lack of sin­cere repen­tance was the sec­ond mis­sile shot to your heart.  Hurt, you strike back, and the bat­tle is on.

Extreme?  Maybe.  But unfor­tu­nately this sce­nario is all too real and all too common.

Com­pare this response to “I am sorry, will you please for­give me?”  Now you are being asked by the offender to take action and accept their apol­ogy.  By mak­ing this request, they have given you the chance to release them.  And they have shown that your for­give­ness and your feel­ings are impor­tant to them. 

The beauty of it is that, when you choose to for­give them, you will both feel bet­ter.  It has the effect of salve on your wound.  “I am sorry” is much more pow­er­ful when paired with “Will you for­give me.”

Put this phrase into prac­tice when­ever you are the one who falls short or causes the dam­age.  Say you are sorry, and then sin­cerely ask for for­give­ness.  By mak­ing this a stan­dard in your com­mu­ni­ca­tion arse­nal, you will enjoy more health in your rela­tion­ships and less hurt and bit­ter­ness in your life.

Thank you to my bride Sheri for mak­ing this a real­ity in our home!

Related posts:

1. The Mon­day Morn­ing Huddle
2. Sharpen Me, Please!
3. Are You Spend­ing Enough Time?
4. Don’t Ever Take the Easy Way Out
5. Is it Really That Bad?

Tags: Conflict, Family, Forgiveness, Teamwork

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 10th, 2009 at 9:01 am and is filed under Self-Development. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.